Critics

This coming Friday marks four weeks of not working.  I left my freelance position at a well paying company to find peace of heart and mind.  As I get closer to the four week mark I find the internal critic creeping in to tell me 1) I'm running out of money 2) I've been wasting my time with nothing to show in these past few weeks 3) The year will be up before you know it and you need to figure out your next move asap! Thanks critic. 

Anyone else have that annoying little voice that will never cut you a break? That's always ready to let you know how you've failed or what you're not doing right? That voice has been dominating my headspace in varying degrees all my life but has been a permanent resident for almost 4 years now and has turned me into an anxious person that doubts every decision and defaults to fear. You can see how this can make working in a corporate setting very, very challenging.  Hence the break. The deal is I'm going to take the rest of the year off to recenter, get my mental and emotional state under control, spend time doing things that bring me joy (writing, dancing, singing...), think about what's important to me -- all in an effort to find my way up and out of this hole. 

The person that I want to emerge as is the kind of person that shines love and light, has awesome perspective on life, doesn't take themselves too seriously, has an open heart and authentic bonds with people, and most importantly doesn't give into fear. Is that too much to ask for in two months? Probably. Definitely. I know this isn't realistic and this just adds pressure but baby steps towards shedding the emotional blocks should be achievable right?!? That person is in there, I just need to get her out inch by inch. 

I've done enough work to know that is will be a lifelong pursuit because I need to literally reframe all my self judgement and let go of the stories I've told myself for 30+ years.  So I'm going to start with setting up some rituals and see how it goes. Wake up, coffee (I know, I know), meditate, write for at least 30 mins (post on this blog at least a few times a week!) and then get out of the house! For me, the key to staying active is scheduling.  If I don't have a plan, I do nothing, and while sometimes checking out is just what I need, a lot of idle time is no good. Especially if that critic won't shut! So tomorrow I'll dedicate to brainstorming how my days over the next two weeks will be spent.  Today... I'll do nothing 😃

Be back soon.